Waiting on the LORD!

Classes just started this week and once again my life did an unexpected surprise. In life there are always going to be something that you want you right then and there but it doesnt seem to work out. I mean realtionships are alway going to be hard and have some stress. But sometimes realtionships are not something what they seem to be. I am going to admit I was in enaged this past year but that relationship was not good for me, the result ened in sickness and many other reasons. I dont want to be control I am more then able to make my own decsions. Now a few months later I meet someone who I like and I wanted to start a relationship, BUT the main question what I asked myself is am I ready for a healthy relationship? A relationship about God, being patient in love, trust and open communication. I put up a wall when I trust people, I have been hurt many times in relationships and trusting people for me takes time. Its not something that will happen over night. I just need someone who is understanding, patient, and willing to work with me. I am not here to complain about my life but all I want is to be in a healthy relatonship. I am not ready for a relationship as badly as I want one I need time to let myself grow in the LORD, let God mold and shape more into the woman of God. As I was thinking these past few days is I lost a friend over a relationship. I mean its hard and I wish I can go back and change things but once again God is teaching me more about relationships. It hurts to let go of the one person who you love and care about deeply. I want to learn to love and I want to be loved. Overall it comes down to waiting on the lord for that specfic person, not dwelling on that person but waiting on God. I am in love with someone who doesnt exsist yet. If that makes sense to anyone. Yes, I am in love with someone who doesnt exsist.